By Stacey Scolinos

This afternoon, a Catalonian man died after drinking what investigators believe was poisoned milk. The milk was from a relatively well-known factory in the region, and yet Catalonian leaders suspect foul play in connection to their plans for the referendum, especially because traces of cyanide were found in the man’s milk. The man (unnamed until further notice from the authorities) was not the only victim of poison milk. In fact several other ordinary civilians are thought to have been killed by poison-laced milk. However, it is not yet known if these other milk poisonings involved cyanide. Said Catalonian Vice President Oriol Junqueras of the situation: “We cannot stand for milk poisoning in our committee….this cannot be a Catalan issue, especially with all the other current troubles in our region.”

While it remains to be seen whether or not the string of milk poisonings is the work of resentful Spaniards or a serial killer, inside sources have revealed that while certain members of Catalonia’s government are deeply regretful of this loss to their community, others have no qualms about using it to their political advantage in the upcoming referendum. The Minister of Health Antoni Comin was overheard saying: “We can use this milk poisoning in our favor to blame the Spanish government, and paint them in a bad light. This way we can get support from people everywhere.” As other member of the government gasped in horror, others were seen nodding in agreement, and it is currently unclear how Catalans will publicize the milk deaths in their region.

Cell phone footage of the man’s body being dragged was supposedly taken immediately after his death, but authorities have yet to comment on his death and the supposed footage.