Viewing entries by
Samantha Wolf

Capitol Records: The Grind Never Stops

At the start of Day 3, Capitol Records is hard at work to maintain their high-standing reputation.

Within nearly the first 20 minutes of committee, the delegation passed four directives tackling a variety of content. These decisions will go into effect immediately, and have already produced results in favor of Capitol Records.

Recently, it was discovered that money from Capitol Records had been leaked to Napster, a file sharing and downloading site. This has unfortunately undermined some of their sales. “Trump the Leak” was passed to sue Napster for the stolen money. The directive also extends to future leaks, declaring that punishment will include repaying the company depending on whoever is found responsible.

The committee also passed a directive titled “Stop Nap(ster)ing, Start Working” in efforts to root out board members who may have leaked the money. This order will launch a full investigation into the leak at all costs.

“You’ve Got a Friend in Me” was finally passed after being renegotiated several times. This directive works on a partnership with Apple, making several Capitol Records songs available on the iPod. There are rumors of a possible merging in the future between these two corporations.

Lastly, the directive “C-Lo Later” outlines performance royalties for Cee-Lo Green. This includes royalties for all performances, commercials, and promotions. Plus, the star will be featured on the hit TV show, Yo Mama.

These directives come at a great cost, including increased royalty costs and money toward lengthy investigations. To counter these losses, board members are brainstorming ideas to increase profits. Among them include a collaboration between Kanye West and Paul McCartney in hopes that their two fanbases will collide and yield great results.

At this rate, Capitol Records is on its way to ultimate success. As one of the dias members noted, “these delegates are not playin’!”

Church of Scientology: Time to Go Clear

By the end of Session 1, the Church of Scientology was off to a great start.

This year’s committee features a diverse array of delegates, including Mary Sue Hubbard, the wife of Church founder L. Ron Hubbard. It seems that the main focus of the group is expansion. But under “expansion” comes many objectives of Scientology to increase their credibility, face critics, and “go clear” by achieving ultimate salvation.

Delegates began debate with a round-robin style caucus introducing themselves and outlining their main intentions for the committee. Among these include taking down the government for their handling of secret documents and launching attacks on their critics, who are promoting “blasphemy” against the organization.

It is clear that delegates believe their religion to be the “most beautiful in the world,” but unfortunately facing “the most persecution of any religion in history.” This belief motivates their actions toward their faith and against backlash.

The common thread throughout each objective is to serve the Great Leader, or True Leader, L. Ron Hubbard. No matter what happens this weekend, delegates will be acting with the intention of protecting his legacy.

Global Financial Crisis: Eyes on Wall Street

Within the first committee session, the NY Fed is quickly scrambling to devise solutions.

The great stock market crash of 2008 is upon us, and it is clear that the ramifications of this event will not be small. Delegates are quickly trying to figure out the best course of action to combat the plummeting fate of the economy.

Possible solutions include a buyout of the Lehman Brothers, although some argue that it would not be fair to allow another corporation to “take on these losses.”

Above all, the consensus is to put the American people first. The public is concerned about the state of the economy, with good reason. To face these concerns, some are arguing that a media campaign should be top priority.

Tim Geitner, for example, stated that “exaggerating the gravity of this situation is not in our best interest.” Instead, we must turn our efforts to a dedicated media campaign that will keep people informed, update them on solutions, and retain all traces of hope.

Regardless, delegates will need to act soon to placate the fears of the American people. One delegate explained, “everybody’s eyes are on Wall Street.”

Scientology: A Study of Lies

By Samantha Wolf

It’s no secret that the Church of Scientology has been under intense investigation since its foundation. Built on the premise of a “Supreme Being” that promotes self-knowledge and fulfillment, Scientology boasts to be the religion to end all religions. But although it claims to be the “study of truth,” these beliefs have clearly negative and contradictory effects.

The ultimate goal of Scientology is true spiritual enlightenment for all, a base claim for any of the world’s major religions. But what makes this cult-like organization stand apart is its supposed support from mathematics, nuclear physics, and other forms of science. They have a ruthless way of fudging the facts to fit their beliefs, in turn preaching nonsense to believers.

Any believer has essentially sold their soul to the “Great Leader,” the founder of Scientology, L. Ron Hubbard. His picture is seen looming in nearly every room, a symbol of the watchful eyes and strict codes under a pretense of acceptance. I mean, the guy was a science-fiction writer. How do they not see that they are living in a dystopian fantasy?

Under the premise of a clean, modern and friendly organization, Scientologists boast omnipotence against the clear facts of the universe. This “spiritual college” promotes studying of their religion and its founding, essentially a modern-day form of brainwashing. It is from this educational basis that members are let loose onto the world, interpreting real-world issues as solvable by their nonsense.

The recent media has tried hard to expose acts of bribery within this (dare I say) cult, against the futile attempts of their press. Specifically, US government officials have been known to receive offers from members, complicating the relations between “us” and “them.”

Not only does Scientology affect its members, but their recruitment tactics are detrimental to the young generation. Recently, leaders have taken to opening the homeless and orphanages to teach underprivileged children about the religion. Other than teaching ludicrous beliefs to delude these vulnerable kids, there is word of abuses within these institutions.

Above all, the biggest and most terrifying aspect of this religion is their supposed intention to teach communication skills and how to get along with others - because they lead the most vicious attacks of any organization in history against their critics. The handbook of Scientology clearly permits spreading “fake news” at any costs necessary to turn the tables on their adversaries. And with a following as dedicated as theirs, it can be hard to get people to see the truth. This will only continue to further the divide between rational beings and Scientologists until we can find a way to stop this monstrous cult.

Scientologists claim they are helping people understand themselves and others. But in the end, can anyone understand the reasoning behind this violation of basic human rights and morality?

Global Financial Crisis: Ambiguous Organization Takes on the World

A video from a secret organization known as Ambiguous has surfaced, cause for much debate in the NY Fed committee.

The person in the video is wearing a mask and uses a voice disguiser, but his message is clear: the American people will no longer stand for the injustices committed by big banks.

Ambiguous has explained that the current system has failed the public in favor of the wealthy. Those who run banks are simply “puppeteers” of a few moguls who will stop at nothing to maintain their assets.

In fact, the video suggests that the government has financed terrorist organizations for their own personal gain. And specific PACs and politicians have conspired to funnel millions of dollars into “bad presidential candidates.” As a result, the safety of the American people is in jeopardy.

The group is offering to be a “new voice,” stepping in to take down the greedy and manipulative rich party. They invite any Americans with similar views to join them. The speaker also mentions the current meeting being held in the NY Fed to deal with the recent economic crisis.

This video has quickly become viral, receiving over 500,000 views. As a result, protesters have taken to the streets, even rioting outside the office of the NY Fed. This news is sure to affect the state of the economy even more, and will surely come into play in the current election season.

It is clear that today’s financial system will no longer work for the majority. In short, the NY Fed has a lot to discuss.

BREAKING: New Artist Kanye West Involved in Shocking Sex Scandal

This morning, it was announced that Kanye West, newly hired rap artist signed by Capitol Records, has been involved in a number of scandalous sex activities.

There are reports that West has been involved in 32 late-night motel sex extravaganzas in the past two months. Both women and men, in all types of clothing (including none!) have been spotted exiting his rooms. Several people have come forward as participants of these nights, admitting that some of these motel evenings are “kinky,” “grimy,” and “involving up to 8 people.”

This comes just after the recent death of Eazy-E, another rap artist who suffered from AIDS. The hip-hop community has been under fire for its promotion of lewd sexual activity in lyrics, the primary concern of the protests by Mothers Against Rap. Sales are already starting to decline in light of this news.

Psychiatrists have viewed this sex binge as evidence of a sex addiction, in addition to a symptom of extreme narcissism, which could be damaging to West’s emerging image. We have yet to hear an official comment from West’s family or Capitol Records, but confidants who know him are hurt and outraged.

More on this story as it develops.

Historical UNSC 1973: On the Brink of Nuclear War

In a crisis situation, war is the unspoken last resort. But in the Historical United Nations Security Council, set in 1973, war just might be inevitable.

“We wanted to do something during that time period because there’s a lot of stuff that went on there that’s not talked about often in MUN,” says Prannoiy Chandran, the committee chair.  “Everyone just talks about the Cuban Missile Crisis, when there are so many other topics that have scope for so much debate.” Ethan Dodd, the crisis director, adds, “we were just as close to nuclear war during the Arab-Israeli War.”

This tension is enhanced by the accuracy of the committee. Chandran and Dodd have taken extra steps to ensure that their committee is historically accurate, despite potential confusion.

“We don’t have Israel or Palestine or Egypt in our committee at all. We are using the actual UNSC makeup from 1973, so some of those countries will be wondering why they’re there, but we feel this adds to the realism of it,” explains Chandran. The idea behind this is that no single delegate will dominate debate.

Another unique aspect of this committee is that delegates will discuss two topics, the Yom Kippur War and the 1973 Chilean Coup d’Etat. Dodd thinks that this will make for fast-paced and rich sessions. “It’s pretty rare for a historical UNSC. We’re trying to give both equal airtime and not just have one as a backup,” he says.

As a committee chair, Chandran hopes that delegates will be active in debate and make bold decisions. “I really hope people other than the P5 [primary 5 countries] speak up. I really want to see a non-P5 nation suddenly do something crazy and become threatening,” he says.

As a crisis director, Dodd is more excited to see how delegates respond to the updates. Delegates will have the chance to send notes to the crisis staff and tie in global issues to their conflict. “I think it will be interesting to see how delegates rise to the occasion and address things in a broader, global historical context,” exclaims Dodd.

This is undoubtedly a historical committee, and the topics reflect the foreign tensions of the time. Nevertheless, we can see the effects of these conflicts today. Dodd notes, “what people don’t realize about the 1973 Yom Kippur War is that it was, in effect, a proxy war between the United States and the USSR. These tensions, of course, are boiling up again today.”

Indeed, modern conflicts in Syria and the Ukraine are also small proxy wars waged by larger global powers. “This war [in 1973] played a huge role in shaping the borders and the tensions and the alliances in the region that echo today,” says Chandran. “For anyone who’s been keeping up with the news and current affairs, there are going to be a lot of parallels when they come to this committee to what we’re seeing today.”

Above all, the goal is to collaborate on viable solutions. Dodd states, “I want them to actually solve the problem. A lot of crisis committees involve people trying to screw each other over. As a CD, while I do want to see shady stuff behind the scenes, I do want to see them actually solve the crisis.”

The two staffers have put a lot of effort into designing the committee, and in the end they’re hoping that it will encourage teamwork and real-world goal setting. “It is the UN; we’re trying to work together to solve the problem,” says Dodd.

Above all, it is to be understood that with great power comes great responsibility. “I don’t want to see too many nukes at the end of the day,” concludes Chandran. “I really hope that this will test the delegates. Nukes aren’t great for crisis.”

Church of Scientology: Committee or Cult?

Recently in the media, Americans have been questioning the legitimacy of certain news reports. However, there’s one place this spring where every ridiculous thing you hear will be true: the Church of Scientology committee at LAMUN.

After watching a striking documentary about the Church on HBO, crisis director Kali Croke was inspired to team up with Alex Guziak and form the committee. “The Church is always something that I feel like intrigues everyone, especially when you’re around LA,” she explains.

Specifically, Croke wishes to simulate the unbelievable facets of this organization for delegates. “A lot of crisis tends to be very historical and war-based, or econ, or political, but this is something that’s never been done,” says Croke.

It’s these muddy details that make the Church of Scientology committee arguably the most interesting at LAMUN. There is little known about the group, even today, despite the fact that they have been operating for more than 50 years.

The committee focuses on a specific operation carried out by Scientologists in 1973. “The people who were responsible for it were tried and all that, but even now the extent of the way the Church operated and its organization isn’t really known,” notes Guziak. “We get to fill those details in ourselves and take it in whatever way the delegates want.”

Despite the outlandish details of this historical committee, more parallels can be made to modern day than one might think. “The first connection I draw is to our domestic political situation, where people are very quick to believe something they have little proof for,” Croke asserts. “Similar principles apply when you’re talking about a cult.” The crisis chairs will be incorporating elements of the Church’s history into the simulation, anticipating how delegates will choose to respond to decisions.

That being said, the chairs are especially looking forward to the creative interpretation of delegates in shaping their story. “Feel free to be creative - we go from Los Angeles to Morocco,” encourages Guziak. “This is not just an American thing, this is an international thing. Think globally.”

“People pay thousands of dollars to find out about some alien God, and you’re like, ‘alright, this is made up.’ It’s not. It’s a real thing,” adds Croke. “I think just simulating that and knowing that it’s real and knowing that what these delegates may come up with is totally plausible, is one of the coolest things.”

To prepare for this exciting committee, the staff has one major recommendation - come well-prepared. Croke explains that the Church is “this whole political, financial, legal body. It’s run like a government. People are quick to assume that it’s like the Illuminati or something that defies logic - but it really is run like a tight ship.” She encourages delegates to find out what makes Scientology more than just a “wacky” religion before attending committee.

Above anything, this committee will allow delegates to be innovative when handling a wide variety of crises. “There is a set history about what happened, but it’s not a very well-developed history. It’s still very shady, so it’s going to be mostly up to them,” says Guziak. “We’ve been preparing for all kinds of contingencies to make sure we can handle whatever they throw at us.”

“At the end of the day, we’re simulating a cult,” Croke concludes. And it’s true - after what’s sure to be an unforgettable committee, you may never want to leave LAMUN.